Like an itch I can’t scratch.

Someone recently asked me how I was doing.  This someone is not a person I can brush off with a simple answer of ‘fine’, so I told them that they needed to wait till I could figure out how to articulate how I was feeling.

It finally came to me the other day as I sat in the sun enjoying a coffee.  I am stable, maybe even good.  But there is an awareness that I walk with now, like a humming under my skin.  It is always there, some days louder than others.  Like an unbearable itch I cannot scratch.

So, I’m careful.  I watch my triggers.  I warn Jeff via text if it’s been a rough day.  I say No to things people ask of me and Yes to my family and things that give me life.

And every once in a while I manage to scratch that itch and find peace.

 

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Catherine Lee says:

    Let me just say, I feel you. Is it enough to say just that? 😉

  2. Alison says:

    I have an In My 40s list going. Maybe I’ll write about it one day. But on the list would be my equivalent of scratching that itch. Maybe you’ll have this dialed by the time you turn 40 too, and you’ll be all down with managing your triggers and saying no and yes at the right moments and you’ll just kind of smirk remembering how itchy you were in your 30s… maybe that will happen.

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