Someone recently asked me how I was doing. This someone is not a person I can brush off with a simple answer of ‘fine’, so I told them that they needed to wait till I could figure out how to articulate how I was feeling.
It finally came to me the other day as I sat in the sun enjoying a coffee. I am stable, maybe even good. But there is an awareness that I walk with now, like a humming under my skin. It is always there, some days louder than others. Like an unbearable itch I cannot scratch.
So, I’m careful. I watch my triggers. I warn Jeff via text if it’s been a rough day. I say No to things people ask of me and Yes to my family and things that give me life.
And every once in a while I manage to scratch that itch and find peace.