Not alone, but lonely



A few weeks ago we had one of those weekends as a family where none of us could tolerate each other. We were all edgy and snappy and none of us could relax enough to extend grace.  We decided to get out of the house and head to the shore to get some air and space.  We headed to Atlantic City to see the boardwalk post-Sandy, to play at the beach and to try and shake whatever was ailing us.

It worked.  A couple of hours digging in the sand and a trip into the best candy store ever shifted our moods.

However, later that night I commented to Jeff that I thought the problem was we, as a family, were desperately lonely. We have entered into a great ministry with great people, but all of them have been here for a while and have established their own communities and friend groups.  We left an amazing community with great friends and family.  That is not easily replaced, and certainly not in the 3 months that we have been here.

We thought about a lot of things when we decided to move here, but I think we under estimated the silent toll it takes on our family to not have friends to call over for dinner or some play time for our girls.

We are hopeful in the coming months as we embed in a church and the girls begin school that we will find those people to share our life with as well as our UrbanPromise community.

But right now, right here, it is lonely.


6 Comments Add yours

  1. Oh Nadia! What a heart-wrenchingly honest post! I cannot imagine how hard that loneliness would be, especially with all four of you going through it. We are praying for you, for bonds to be forged and friendships to be deepened at a pace only God can allow. I’m so glad you KNOW you are where God wants you to be, so you can weather this storm.

    We love you guys and miss you lots. Wish we could invite you over for dinner and a catch up, or a “meet in the middle” coffee date. Hugs and prayers and (hopefully) some mail from the Frews to the Vanderkuips.

    1. Thanks Niki, we miss you all like crazy! I’d love to see the evolution of Kaleb’s hair in person. Double digits soon for our first borns! Thank you for your message. Love you all.

  2. Jai says:

    Just read this…..thinking of you guys! Miss you out here – we’ll pray that you meet more people and feel more settled. Brynn said, out of the blue yesterday, “I really miss Rori!” I think it takes a while to settle in no matter where you go. Xo

    1. Every time Rori misses Brynn she wants to write an email. Hopefully it is not too overwhelming but I don’t want to discourage Rori from trying to connect. Thanks for your message.

  3. Alison says:

    Oh. Oh my. That’s an ouch.

    As soon as you wrote it, I realized it would be new and difficult to be lonely as an entire family. Being lonely by ourselves is hard, but is eased when we can see our people connected and okay. But when we look around the table and see hearts aching for familiar, I-know-you-fellowship – well that’s some kind of shitty math that mulitiplies it all by a billion. Friend, I hope that you get yourselves some of that Living Water kind of love in way that eases your collective thirst for connection. In the meantime, it’s kind of amazing that you figured this out. Well done you.

    1. I knew you’d get it. It was hard to put it down in words, but I really think and hope that if we can name this ache, then we can be intentional about working through it. Or at the very least, give each other a bit more grace as we figure it out. Thanks friend!

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